I'm Home
by Wildwolf
Summary: (Another Sirius comes back post-OotP fic.) Sirius feels all his memories once again as he floats behind the veil. Can feelings really bring a soldier back from the brink of death? SBRL slash
1. I'm Home

I'm Home 

Rating: PG?

Genre: General

Pairing(s): **Sirius/Remus**

Warnings: **Slash**, shounen ai, whatever you wanna call it, all the same thing. Guy/guy romance! PEACE, LOVE, AND SHOUNEN AI! …I need to make a banner that says that.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Harry Potter. I will be going to London next summer, so I may be able to stalk out various cafes for JK-sama—does anyone know the names of the cafes she goes to? But even still, I doubt any encounter with her will end in my owning the series. Maybe a signature and a restraining order, but not series ownership.

Plot: Sirius, beyond the Veil, remembers. He feels all his past once again. Can feelings really bring a soldier home from the brink of death?

Notes: I love Sirius and Remus. They are my favorite characters, right up there with Draco. Tom Felton's hot and I'm exactly eighteen days older than him. --

I like the Prisoner of Azkaban movie. It has different ordering than the book in some parts and moves really fast, but I still loved it. I like Oldman and Thewlis, even if they aren't the exact Sirius and Remus I imagined. They grow on you like a fungus. I saw the movie twice in two days and plan on seeing it at least once more with my friend once she gets back from Europe. **SEE THE MOVIE! I AM NOT BEING PAID TO ADVERTISE, I JUST THINK YOU SHOULD.**

They say that feeling can lead a soldier home, even from the brink of death.

I may not be a soldier, but I believe it now.

I remember floating. I was weightless. It was almost like those dreams in which you get a falling sensation right afterwards.

Was this death?

I had time to contemplate. Lord knows I did. However, most of all, I remembered.

My whole life played before my eyes almost as realistically as if I'd been reliving it all. My rich, snobby family, the cold-hearted Regulus my parents loved, family reunions, the day Regulus got his letter, the day he got into Slytherin. Those passed with disgust. Those were their happy days.

I felt the day I got my letter in by owl post. They were happy then, too. I was as well, but for severely different reasons.  They were so proud that I would grow up to be just like my charming, dear older brother. I remember getting my first wand. I also remember, from later on, my first broom.

I felt the day I learned that I would be in Gryffindor. I remember the hatred in my family's faces, the contempt in my brother's eyes, the distrust looming around my housemates. They had all heard of the Black family and their evils. I was alone.

The fondest days came now. I felt as if I would smile, but I couldn't. I felt the days I met them… Prongs, Moony, and yes, even the traitorous Wormtail. I replayed the pranks we pulled and the days of James' Quidditch games. I didn't study quite enough for my OWLS once again. I heard Remus scold James and I. That was probably why he had become a prefect, because he at least tried to keep us in line, whenever he himself wasn't helping in the mischief.

I relearned that Remus was a werewolf. I hatched the plans with James and Peter once again to become Animagi so that we could accompany him on his times of the month. I remember the glowing joy and relief in his eyes when we told him and how he almost cried. I felt the sensation of wanting to hold him close again, and then realized that I really did want to, not just in memory. His face was something to cling to.

I felt the pain and hardship of becoming an Animagi. It was one of the few times we actually studied, and Professor McGonagall was quite surprised. If only she knew. I felt the giddiness once again of our first romp in the woods, a dog, a werewolf, a stag, and a rat. I grinned at James' plans for our monthly outings and noticing that Remus had less and less scars now. I remember all four of us creating the Marauder's Map and Peter's brilliant idea to bewitch it. Remus was the one who actually came up with the spell, but it was one of the few times when Peter shined.

I returned home every summer.

I hate the people there.

I went to James' to run away. His family loved me and I loved them. I was happy. I remember laughing while writing notes to Peter and Remus about my whereabouts.

I got back on the train my last year. We three laughed at James trying to start up a conversation with Lily Evans bashfully. There was potential there. He came to us then, blushing furiously. He'd fancied her for over a year.

We plotted the first months' outings. James and I grinned, Peter smiled nervously, and Remus just… smiled. That moment was the one in which I knew I was in love with him. I had thought possibly, especially after seeing his reactions to our becoming Animagi, but now I knew. I loved him.

James knew. He read my journal over the summer while Mrs. Potter took me out to help shop while James was sick. He decided that using the Map, we'd have to split up and test some of our possible secret passages. He left Remus and I alone while he and Peter went the other direction.

I professed. He smiled and kissed me. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach and the warmth of his body. He told me he loved me too. This had to be the most momentous moment in my life.

My brother died. I remember not caring. I was pretty much banished from the manor, but I didn't care, because I was James' adoptive brother. I had a family that cared, friends, and a lover that wasn't quite as secret as I had thought. It seems that girls really do know how to spot these things, because Lily would continue giving my knowing looks.

"James, just do it." I heard myself say.

"But… what if she says no?" He asked nervously.

"You won't know unless you try." I slapped his shoulder. "Besides, why would she say no to you?"

"We've only been dating for about a year."

"I know."

"Alright." He sighed. "Hey, Sirius?"

"Hm?"

"If this works, will you be my best man?"

I grinned, both in the memory and in real life. "Of course."

He grinned too, but unsurely. "Thanks."

They got married and I was the best man. A few months later, Lily announced that she was pregnant. On July 31st of 1980, she gave birth to Harry Potter, and they named me his godfather. I was happy.

Everyone, even my lover, suspected me to be Voldemort's spy. I guess this was all right, because I suspected him as well, for a while. But James still trusted me. He wanted me to be Secret Keeper when they went into hiding.

They died. They were killed just as I was coming to check on them and Peter. I knew who had done it, too. Voldemort. What I couldn't believe is that Peter had betrayed them. He was the Secret Keeper. I cornered him and tried to kill him. He blamed it all on me and killed himself. I remember the rage. I remember Azkaban and the dementors. I remember seeing the rat in the picture. I knew he was alive.

I felt myself escaping past the dementors. The fear was there, just hidden. I saw Harry for the first time in twelve years and I would have cried if I could. Even in the dark, I could see that he looked just like James.

Except for his eyes, those were his mother's.

The recent memories passed so quickly now. It was like the world was speeding up. Harry hated me, and then accepted me. I saw Remus again, and he too, was suspicious, but then realized. I remember the warmth of him hugging me. I escaped with Buckbeak and hid in the south. I returned to the manor and was asked by Dumbledore if it could be used by the Order of the Phoenix.

Remus came to live with me. His eyes widened and he ran into my arms. It was the first time we could really talk in years.

"Sirius, I'm sorry." He sobbed into my shoulder.

"Sorry for what?" I asked as good-naturedly as I could, running my fingers through his hair.

"Everything." He answered. "I still love you." He commented.

"I love you too." I smiled as we kissed. It had been so long since we could express these feelings. We spent the night together.

Harry came. I was so overjoyed because my life was falling back into place. I may have been a little too overprotective and parental to Harry though, because people kept saying that I was treating him like James. Why couldn't I treat him like James? He was getting to that age and I didn't seem to mind.

Too much happened. The Veil. I fell through the Veil in the Department of Mysteries.

Here I was, floating aimlessly.

There were so many things I still wanted. I could imagine taking Harry in officially, I a free man to the public, and Remus living with us. I could hear myself explaining to Harry the nature of our relationship, and see his smile of acceptance. It cast warmth upon my body, the only thing I could actually feel now.

I wish I could adopt Harry.

I wish I could tell Remus that I love him again.

James, Lily, I'm coming to meet you. Long time, no see, huh? I'm afraid I couldn't protect your son like I had hoped. I'm sorry I failed. But I want to see him again. I want to see him and Remus.

Why the hell can't I? Because my damn cousin pushed me through a veil? That's just stupid! Who makes these rules? That's all I could think, about those two. How dare anyone tear me apart from them?

Why is it getting dark? My skin feels cold now, all of a sudden. The last thing I see is an image of Remus and Harry welcoming me home with open arms…

"Welcome back, Mr. Sirius Black." A voice said. I recognized that voice. But that's impossible; I fell through the Veil. "Quite a feat, I must say."

I tried to open my eyes, but my lids were heavy.

"Don't try just yet. You need more rest. You've been through a very rigorous journey."

Yeah, maybe I do need sleep.

I saw their faces again and it soothed me.

Wait for me.

Sirius Black opened his eyes a few days later to see Professor Dumbledore looking at him from across the room. "Awake, I see."

"Nn." Sirius mumbled.

"I imagine that you are strong enough to move?" He asked. "I did not contact your loved ones about your condition. There was… very little hope for your recovery. No one has ever come back from the Veil before."

"I need to get back." Sirius sat up, blinking off a dizzy spell.

"Mr. Lupin has been watching over your house, in a rather obsessed manner, if I may add." He looked at him over his glasses. "I am sure it will be of great relief to find that you are alive and well."

"And Harry?"

"At his uncle's, as he normally would be at this time of year. Do you wish for me to notify him?"

Sirius nodded. "Home. I need to get home."

"You're in no shape to travel on your own." Dumbledore warned. "I have a carriage waiting."

"Thank you."

Outside was indeed a carriage, pulled by two beautiful palomino winged horses.

"Fly swift!" Dumbledore waved them off.

The trip was short, but far too long for Sirius. He stumbled out of the carriage and to the front doors, feeling beat up and tired still. The horses neighed and took off as he opened the door.

Remus Lupin stood, staring wide-eyed at him, originally at his present location to check what the noise was. He mouthed in disbelief as his eyes watered.

Sirius laughed, still very sore from the journey he could not remember. But that didn't matter right now. "I'm home, Remus."

This took about fifteen minutes to write last night, and about the same amount of time to type it. I can't think for long amounts of time, please don't make me!

Wildwolf: And next summer, she plans on going to King's Cross and ramming her head into the wall between platforms 9 and 10 so many times until she knocks herself unconscious.

Chibi: No one will probably care. They're probably used to it. There's probably a sign saying, "There is no platform 9 ¾, please stop ramming yourself into the wall." Hah! That's what you Muggles think! --

Wildwolf: sigh

Chibi: Oh, and some news-type stuff on Harry Potter, special for you people who read this, though many of you probably already know! We're late on the uptake, so we just found this stuff out! The Goblet of Fire movie is scheduled for a release next year! And according to my Dad and his sleuthing, though I haven't verified it myself, book six will be released next summer! Maybe I can find JK and get her to sign it… that would be so awesome!

Wildwolf: Here we go with the restraining order…


	2. A funny thing happened to mea rant

A note from Chibi, the personality who actually writes the stuff:

A funny thing happened maybe about an hour after I posted this story. I got the funniest review.

_From: Anonymous_

_Guy/guy romance is really disgusting and you need to be burned at the stake for suggesting anything of the sort, especially between Sirius and Remus. Gross!_

_Retard!_

See? Hilarious! (Really, I laughed very hard at this.) This is an example of the one type of person I allow myself to look condescendingly at, because doing so to any other type of person would make me feel too horrible, all because I'm overly "nice" like that, as Wildwolf-chan and so many of my friends have so often called me.

Though I have deleted the review because it seriously wasn't worth my time to read.

-sighs and shakes head- I used to be like that… almost five years ago. Damn it, I was an idiotic bigot who deserved to burn in the Hell I stopped believing in the previous year. I figured out how horrible I was at the end of my seventh grade year for my bigotry and, well, almost committed suicide because I realized that I had been so horrific (and actually, I think burning myself alive was one of the considered possibilities). I was twelve then, by the way.

I feel sorry for the anonymous reviewer, though. Whoever they are, they are so terribly close-minded and immature that they cannot allow themselves to accept that people are different and that homosexuality is just as gross as heterosexuality, and we see that every fucking day. If you're reading this right now, I _truly_ am sorry for you. _Maybe_ you'll grow up someday.

You know, there is nothing wrong with homosexuality, bisexuality, or transsexuals. Reviews like this hit this little defensive spot in me because one of my closest guy friends is gay and another gay guy I know is just about the emotionally strongest person I know. They are also nicer than a lot of straight guys I know. My bisexual/lesbian female friends are close to me as well. An attack like that review is not just on me, but also on gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and slash writers everywhere.

There, that was my rant. I don't claim to be a great philosopher or writer, but I hope to be an activist. I am growing up in the same household as people who are like my dear Anonymous, and it gets a little annoying when I have to deal with it from someone who tells me I should burn when they don't even know me, let alone in my family. I got enough of that from my cousin who believes that women are practically objects, thank you.

I'm sorry, I've allowed myself to continue ranting. I bid you all a good day and wonderful summer, now!


	3. Perfection

Perfection 

Rating: PG?

Genre: General

Pairing(s): **Sirius/Remus**

Warnings: **Slash**, shounen ai, whatever you wanna call it, all the same thing. Guy/guy romance! PEACE, LOVE, AND SHOUNEN AI! …I need to make a banner that says that. **IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T READ IT FOR THE PURPOSE OF FLAMING ME!**

**Disclaimer**: ties a bow on Remus Wow, that can be taken in so many ways… leaves the leash on Sirius Whee, I like this. Let's shove 'em in a room together! plots realization ping I… don't own them. cries

Plot: Sirius, beyond the Veil, remembers. He feels all his past once again. Can feelings really bring a soldier home from the brink of death?

Notes: Okay, thank you for pointing out the mistake that Regulus was Sirius' younger brother. My father and younger brother kind of lost the book last year… and after intense, fiery searching, I found it again! -- huggle I'm never letting you go this time!

This was supposed to be a one-shot, but I've been guilt-tripped into one more chapter. But this is the final installment, nonetheless! Kami-sama, you people can be scary.

Wildwolf: Didn't take much to convince her, and not any scare tactic whatsoever. Only a few reviewers offhandedly mentioning that they wanted to see Remus' reaction and stuff like that.

Chibi: I felt guilt!

Wildwolf: You also banged your head on the dining room table.

Chibi: No, that's because it's before 9:00 AM and I'm tired. WAY too early for thought in the summer. yawns Well, on to it!

Sirius woke up the next morning to unholy amounts of sunshine for someone who was not a morning person.

He and Remus had sat up all night talking, the latter on the verge of tears and the former acting as if he's just come out of a waking dream. Remus had kept touching his face, over and over, with his soft fingertips. He had to assure himself again and again that the man before him was real and that he wasn't alone again.

They had fallen asleep finally on the couch. This was where they were now, Sirius' head lying comfortably in Remus' lap.

He sat up, almost ready to laugh. His poor lover's legs would be numb now, he knew. He took the liberty of stretching Remus out to a full laying position and walked around, taking in the sights and sounds. He heard every little thing now, everything that he would have ignored had this been a month ago.

Harry would no doubt be fighting to get back here. He'd probably arrive today. This made Sirius smile. He could feel complete. Maybe he'd make some breakfast. Harry probably wouldn't have eaten before he came and Remus hasn't eaten either. In fact, as his stomach reminded him, neither had he.

The house was incredibly quiet. He didn't dare wonder where that vile Kreacher was. The traitorous little wretch would pay later. Now was too good a time to waste on wrath.

Other than the lacking of Order members, the house seemed as large and desolate as he had left it before. He wished there were more people there. The silence was unnerving.

He used magic to make breakfast. If Remus wanted this big, handmade meal like he sometimes said that his mother would make, this wasn't the right place or time. Sirius, in truth, wished to be doing just about anything beside making breakfast since he wasn't a very good cook, magic or not, but he really couldn't complain. He had just survived death, or something close to it.

Halfway through making the meal, the door opened with a loud clatter. Sirius could vaguely hear his mother's portrait upstairs screaming. Now everything was too loud.

"Sirius!" Harry's voice yelled through the halls. Sirius laughed as Harry followed his nose to the kitchen doorway, where he stopped and stared. "Sirius… it's true, Professor Dumbledore didn't lie."

"Now why would he do that?" Sirius smiled. Green eyes watered, but no verbal reply came. With a sigh, Sirius opened his arms to welcome the boy. Harry ran and hugged him tightly.

"We all though we lost you." He sobbed into the dirty shirt.

"I thought you had as well."

"But you're back… for good! Aren't you?" Harry did as Remus had and touched his face over and over.

"Harry Potter! Really, do you think it's so easy to get rid of me?" He laughed. "I'm harder than a cockroach to be rid of."

"Though so much better looking than one." Sirius looked up and saw Remus standing in the doorway that Harry had been in. "Someone put a Silencing Charm on that woman, please."

"Morning." Sirius grinned apologetically.

Remus smiled, making Sirius' heart flutter. "Morning to you too. And you, Harry! How have you been?"

"Horrible." Harry relinquished his hold on his godfather. "I thought he was dead."

"So did I." Remus nodded, always-tired eyes moving from Harry to Sirius.

"Hey, what's burning?" Harry sniffed the air.

Sirius groaned. "That would be breakfast."

"Harry, we have something to tell you." Sirius leaned forward on the couch. Harry listened close, fearing the worst. What if he did have to go back? What if the Ministry was going to take him? What if this all really was a dream?

Remus looked assuredly at Sirius.

"Harry," the black-haired man continued to the boy that was nestled in an armchair across a small coffee table from him, "Remus and I… are in an unconventional relationship, according to normal standards." This wasn't exactly how he had imagined, but… "What I'm trying to say is that we're in love."

Harry looked at both of them slowly and Sirius' heart sped up. He could feel the worried falling sensation. But then, Harry smiled. "It wasn't too secretive."

"You knew?" Remus asked offhandedly.

"I had a hunch." Harry shrugged. "Hermione really thought so and voiced it to Ron and I one time." He straightened his posture a little and the smile that was reminiscent of James returned. "I'm happy for you two."

"Thanks." Sirius smiled, reaching to Remus on the other side of the couch and meeting his hand halfway. "Your sleuthing skills are better than James' though. I never will forgive him for reading my diary."

A laugh was shared. Everything was right. This… was how it should be.

One by one over the span of the next few days the members of the Order came by, visiting and making sure Sirius was there. Moody was the first to arrive later that day, declaring that he had to inspect Sirius to be sure it wasn't an imposter.

"Good to have you back, man." He said finally, convinced that he was who he claimed to be.

Tonks furiously hugged him, welcoming her favorite relative back.

"What can I say?" Sirius grinned jokingly. "I'm Houdini. I escaped Azkaban, Hogwarts, and Death himself, all in a span of a little less than four years."

The Weasley family came, toting Hermione with them. Arthur clapped him on the back, Molly apologized for being so harsh, though hinted that she wouldn't relinquish that, and Ron and Hermione hugged onto him much like Harry had done. Harry revisited the arms of his godfather as well, fervor in his own hold.

"Okay, okay." Remus chuckled. "I think you're choking him."

"Yeah." Harry back a few steps away. "Ron! Hermione! I have so much to tell you now." He raised an eyebrow at Sirius and Remus.

"Don't be gone too long!" Molly called after them. "Sirius, if I can possibly borrow your kitchen, I think it may be time for lunch."

Everyone dispersed and the crowd was left with as much evidence on the room as a dream would have. The only remnant was the sound heard elsewhere in the house and that took no physical hold on them.

"My turn." Remus remarked, hugging Sirius from behind. His cheek rested on Sirius' shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you too." Sirius returned after a pause. He had to take the moment in and appreciate it before breaking it. He turned in Remus' arms to face him. The other smiled up at him, gazing into gray eyes.

"I knew it!" They heard Hermione yell in triumph from another room. Both of them laughed, the moment now broken.

"This is perfection."

"Hm?" Remus asked.

"This." Sirius gestured around them before putting his arms around Remus. "What I have now. My luck is terrific. I escape everything, I get the family I've wanted for the past fourteen years, and I get to keep it this time."

Remus laughed. "I sure hope."

"Someone may walk in." Sirius warned as Remus lifted his head to kiss him.

"Do you think I care?" He smiled, noticing that Tonks' footsteps were nearby and she would indeed see them, but not caring. She had her suspicions—girls were surprisingly good at finding out these things.

"I'm rubbing off on you." He connected their lips and they held their place, lost now in perfection and not willing to relinquish it. Perfection is impossible to find within humanity, as heaven is impossible to find on Earth. But maybe Perfection has allowed herself to be grasped for even a few moments by a handful of human mortals. Her magic, unlike that of the two now encompassed, flowed around them, ensnaring in a pleasurable trap with the most alluring bait. They were now stuck in this life, but neither would complain. This life was the creation of Perfection.

Why through away perfection?

Chibi: Wow, I just took an online quiz that diagnosed me (Though not officially! Wow, that rhymed…) with very high chance of borderline and high chance of schizotypal. I feel so… loved. Or tired. But now it's night and Conan's about to come on. Moonlight Sonata murder case… kami-sama, these are old notes. I've been scanning old Genealogy-related documents for hours and found out that I had a not-related-by-blood distant relative named Tobias. I like that name.

Wildwolf: The long paragraph right there was confusing.

Chibi: That's called me typing at what is now 8:30 AM while really needing a shower and having a dog who is afraid of thunder trying to claw herself into my lap because there's a storm outside.

Wildwolf: And you're on the computer during the storm.

Chibi: Yes. And this fic was not read over, I just posted it as soon as I was finished typing. Hope you're all happy (not said snidely, but sincerely!) and continue to be happy throughout the rest of spring and the summer season. Also, the rest of your lives. Bye-bye! furious Chibi wave!


End file.
